Trepidation

trepidation

 noun

:the emotion experienced in the presence or threat of danger

So this week, i am employed by an Indian Taco Booth at the Eastern Idaho State Fair. Today, being Monday Sept. 5, i started work at 10 am, and left the booth to go home at 11 pm. a 13 hour shift of standing all day, yelling and talking full time. Its exhausting to say the least. but hey, i'm glad for the employment. at this point, i need all the work and money i can get. But this is all beside the point. 

As i was leaving the fairgrounds tonight, alone, armed with pepper spray in hand, i was caught walking behind a nice family of 5, and in front of some very rough looking girls, with language to match their baggy jeans, bandanas and very big and tall t shirts. if any one of them had looked at me cross eyed i probably would have peed my pants right there. i guess its a good thing they were behind me then.... 

Actually i like to think that i would give my own good effort if ever i were caught in a position where someone would want to fight me, but if im honest with myself, im never very good at confrontation. with my parents, i just cry if i get angry enough, and in a fight, that would be embarrassing. i am just bothered to no end if i know someone has a problem with me. I dont really care what people think, but i like people to be ok with me...if that makes any sense. 

Sorry, i keep digressing from my story. I just want to set up and explain myself and how i feel before the event comes to light. 

About halfway back to my car (which, of course, is parked 13 blocks away from the fair), the rough and tough girls behind me start running across the street, cussing a up a storm. They were running towards an almost empty parking lot across the street. 

From my point of view, for about 2 seconds of the time where i didnt really understand what was going on, i saw three people in the parking lot already, and it looked like a girl that had been running had accidentally tripped over herself and landed on her face. so in my head i started laughing and saying to myself, Oh that sucks! because i've done it to myself SO MANY TIMES that for once, it was refreshing to see it happen to somebody else, and to see how stupid i look when it happens. sorry, again, digression. 

So the girl was on the ground, and for another 2 seconds of not understanding what was happening, i saw a tall figure, a boy i figured, because he was big, bend down and try to help her up, but she just fell down again. And then the group of girls that had been behind me finally reached the parking lot and the other group of people where the girl was on the ground. and the group of girls started yelling at the guy. 

then it hit me. 

or rather, HE had been hitting HER! the girl on the ground. the boy, had been hitting and beating up on the girl on the ground! and when i say beating, i mean, dragging her around, throwing her, hitting her, pulling and...just...BEATING. 

i know what youre thinking. WHAT? 

amid all the yelling and cursing and boy beating girl scene, i could only stand and stare with my mouth open, staring across the street. for how loud the other group was yelling at the boy to stop, i noticed not one of them stepped in to help her. which kinda sucks for the girl. 

The dad of the family in front of me started across the street and starting yelling at everybody telling them the police were coming. and that about took care of the whole thing. 

But are you kidding me? what kind of coward does it take for a boy to start beating on a girl? which was half his size i might add. she had no chance. WHO DOES THAT?! It just bothered me so much. 

My safety bubble i usually have around me, kind of a naivity i guess you could call it, saying that that stuff doesnt really happen, only on tv and in books, that whole bubble was popped which a big gigantic needle called reality. I drove home in shock. and by shock, i mean questioning every set of lights, everybody on the side of the road wondering if they were gonna swerve in front of me, or step out and pull me out of my car and kill me. 

I have been scared before, but this was a different kind of scared. i was threatened, and nothing was really happening to me. and that might seem pathetic to you, but thats how i experienced the whole situation. My safety was threatened by reality and the sin of the world. 

Satan is everywhere, influencing everybody, encouraging hatred, encouraging boys to beat up on girls. and its terrifying. its absolutely horrible what this world is coming to. and sooner or later, we're all gonna have to answer to what has happened. 

Thats the end of my rant and random inputs, but im just grateful that i have so far been fortunate not to personally experience the kind of wickedness that that girl experienced. if a guy ever treated me like that, i would be scarred for life, and i probably wouldnt be the only one leaving hurt.