A Bad Case of the "Missings": a Tribute to Family, Best Friends, and College

Lately I've been so focused on work and everything going on in my life, which isnt much, but it takes up a lot of time, and i haven't been able to keep this up to date. but enough about that.

Today, i've been hit with a big case of the MISSINGS. thats what i call when i happen to miss everybody thats not with me. Namely my family, which i guess would classify me as homesick, but i dont really think i am.... i just miss them. This picture above would be my little sister and little brother. although that stud happens to be alot bigger than me. but thats ok. He's still a big baby inside. he enjoys me tending to him, alot like my dad; they both enjoy being tended to, babied, and treated like a king. which i really do miss doing now that i can't take care of them.

This here's my wonderful daddy. Yes, i still call him daddy. it feels so weird to call him anything else. at one point when i was little, i thought he would stop loving me if i called him just 'DAD", so i never did. haha i know, silly, but to a little girl, thats the worst thing that could ever happen, having your daddy not like you. i told him this story a few months ago and he just laughed. oh that man, i love him so much! he's an intimidating, big tough Cowboy man. Every boy i've ever known that has come over to my house has said he's scared of my dad. which is understandable. he's very sarcastic and smart and can out wit anybody that steps foot into our house. He's seriously a genius. i would hate asking him for help on my math homework because when i needed help on division, he would start his calculus theories, my mind would be blown, and tears would start rolling. and then he would get frustrated because everybody should know as much as he does. Inside, you would never guess he harbors the biggest teddy bear you will ever experience. With just the right words, I learned i could turn him to mush and get him to let me do anything i wanted to, whether it was stay out late, run to town, or whatever. Which i learned only at the end of living at home, so i only got away with a few things. I could'nt take advantage of this discovery.  oh man, i could go on forever on how awesome this man is, but since i have a ton more people to get through that i miss, i'll stop here.

This here's a pic of me and my bestest friend, also known as my mother, Doctor Price, Sister Price, therapist, advice bank, endless amounts of wisdom, and the most patient person i've ever known. Honestly the most amazing woman i have ever encountered in my 19 years of life. As a teenager, and all growing up, she was just mom, and i wasnt the rebelious type so i never had any problems with her or hated her or blamed her for ruining my life. it wasnt' until i got to college where i realized she knew EVERYTHING. seriously. you can ask her, i call her at least 3 times a day with questions on how to do things, asking for advice, or just to talk about my day. It always makes me feel better, and i'm never alone.

Ok, ill go faster, but there will be tons more pictures

there is a very good chance this upstanding lady will kill me and dig the grave herself if she ever finds out i took this picture and posted it on the internet, so in the interest of my life, future, and unborn children, lets keep this between you, me and...the world. just away from her. k? this here's my Nanny. known to most people as a grandma...but Nanny is what all us grandkids, and adopted family call her. Grandma sounds too...gentle for the type of woman she is. she is the biggest can of 'Whoop-A$$' ive ever come across. Full of sassitude, wit, some love mixed in there somewhere, and a good mind of the best cooking you've ever tasted, she's the rock of our family. I miss her close to the most. She has the kindest, most generous heart, but she's also not afraid to speak her mind, and make sure you're about to hear it and come close to thinking the same thing yourself. Die hard democrat. She can also take out my 230 lb, 6' linebacker of a cousin without blinking an eye and roll out dough for bread at the same time...usually using the same tools. A very unique type of lady, but a Lady none the less. She also likes to tell me how to be a girl, but growing up with 13 older boy cousins, i think i turned out as close to a lady as she's ever gonna see. I like wearing dresses when i have to.....sometimes......if i can't get out of it. but if you've met her, you know why i would miss her.

These would be my little boys. Zayne on the left, and Devon on the right. little pills, with their own punk attitudes, but the biggest sweethearts.

This is our princess. My little girl. (ok not mine, my little cousin) but mine all the same. so cute, precious, and can wrangle all those boys with the best of 'em! so darling, i miss this sweet cheeks. look at those dimples!

Our little Rhett Bo... so precious!!

so now onto friends. These are the besties from back home! front left, my darling Olive. Behind her, my twin Emma, Samantha is behind me, and i'm the tard with the tye dye shirt. Haven't seen these girls in what seems like a lifetime, even though samantha lives half an hour away from me! Life makes it impossible for our schedules to ever align. it really breaks my heart, because she's my antidote to the missings!

This here is the lovely Rachel Talley. Not to be confused with the Rachel below. She's the one in the blue dress, and im the one in the black. We were going to a mask ball, which was really a club with a bunch of rediculous people with weird masks. fun though! she makes my life a party.

This here is the star of my show, the light of my life, the one and only Rachel Price. She's asian. and i'm related to her. which means i get to spend time and all eternity with my dear Lovins. She's only a few months older than me, and even though she's lived all the way across the country from me our entire lives, (minus the 5 she lived almost next door), she's become the world to me. ILOVEHERTHEMOSTESTEVER! Cousins on the outside, sisters through and through. We joke that we were together in heaven, but that no regular family could really handle us as real sisters all in one, but we wouldnt be split up, and the best Heavenly Father could do would be to keep us cousins. which kinda works out i guess. I say we joke, but we're serious. She's awesome. I hate having here in Provo while i must reside in Rexburg, ID. i miss her even when im with her because i know how much more missing i'm gonna do when i leave her again.

This beaut right here would be my Nilsy, another one of my boys. the oldest cousin on my dad's side, and a best friend through my highschool years. which i appreciate more than he probably knows. i love him to death!

This one is of me and Mitch. He's another of my boys. one of the 2 i tagged along with from age 5 to 18, and one of the three i tagged along with in highschool. Such a dear. the group of my three boys will come later. He is currently residing in Indiana, so even when i go home to visit, he's never there, so he causes me a much bigger case of Missings than anybody else here on my list.

Here is another of the three of my boys from Highschool. This is my cousin Steven, on a mission to Roseville, Cali i'm proud to say! He's another of my best friends. He's a sweetie pie, with an attitude and one of a kind personality! Only 267 days till he's home!

 Ok, here's all the three from highschool together. Koleman, on the far left, Mitch in the middle, and Steven on the right. For three years i tagged along with these guys, and then, during junior year they graduated and left me to fend for myself. And then Koleman left on his mission to San Antonio Texas the January of senior year, Steven left that July, and when steve left on his mish, Mitch went to Indiana, so they all virtually abandoned me. All for good reasons, but i was left alone nonetheless. I guess thats what's causing the biggest case of Missings right now. I'm so used to having them at my fingertips, ready to talk to, ready to come rescue me whenever i needed it. but Koleman comes home in 85 days! I'm so excited! He's really and truly, honestly the best guy friend i have. Can't wait for him to be home!

These next few pics are from my freshman year of college. The top one are my two old roommates, Mo and Dee, and i absolutely adore them! the rest are gonna be my roomies this coming year and i cant wait! i miss them to death! and i cant wait for all the parties we're gonna have!

Alright, tons of pics, and lots of missing happening here. There are tons of people i left out im sure, but you know who you are, and you know i miss you. These people complete my life, and i hate not being able to carry all of them around with me in my pocket. If only life were that easy.

Real Life

Ok i know this is gonna come as a shock to most of you readers, if there are any, but im gonna write about stuff that actually happens in my life! you know,  instead of some blah blah stuff from my head and thoughts that i think are interesting, but are most likely probably not to all of you. anyways.

So this past weekend, my wonderful cousin that i live with, Rebekah, and i got the opportunity to earn the big bucks with the company we work for to go to Glenwood Springs, Colorado for a ski swap. If any of you dont know what that is, its where a bunch of ski equipment companies come together, set up all their stuff, at a discounted price, and open the doors to the general public to come and buy whatever they may, ski related. What i didnt know was that it was even more competitive than your regular friday night football games. the other company that was set up close to our stuff were stealing our customers left and right, taking our merchandise out of their hands and replacing it with theirs! i know you dont care, but it was very upsetting, seeing as soon, i was sitting in a chair with no one to help or sell to because they were all stolen. sorry, moving on.

Today i started my second job! its at this new restaraunt here in Blackfoot, ID called Tommy Vaughn's Grill. It's a bar/grill/hangout joint and its actually pretty cool. I went in today after i was done with my first job to start the training. which didnt turn out to be much training. i filled out the W4 form, got my run of the mill t shirt that matches everybody else working, heaven forbid we wear different colors, but whatever. Black is supposed to be slimming right? except that since i actually have curves on this beautiful body that our Heavenly Father gave me, instead of some stick skinny perfect barbie, my shirt makes me look like a blob. but whatever gives me the dough i guess. sorry! i know you dont care, but it made me upset, and after all, this blog is about me right? the only place where i can tell my mom yes, the world does revolve around me and my feelings.

Also, another big event that happened today is i finally ran a full mile again! that might sound pathetic, but  i havent run a full mile in at least 2 and half months, just because i havent gotten around to it, what with leaving school and that beautiful gym, moving home, and then moving back out again three weeks later to here in Blackfoot. I've been running off and on since i got here, but only half a mile, and then walking the rest, and today I FINALLY DID IT! I'm so proud of myself, because its one of the goals ive set for this week. I was so happy with myself that once i reached the driveway, i figured why not go the "extra mile" (except not literally, more like figuratively...in a sense) so i decided to do some lunges to the house. my muscles were warm, pumpin and awesome! after about 10 lunges, i remembered my mother saying if you havent done THOSE in a while, stick to the smaller numbers. by the time i reached the front doors, my quads and hamstrings were cramping so incredibly bad i could hardly walk.  but dont worry, i made it to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. which i know you were really worried about. dont stress yourself out over my sake.

On another happy note, ONLY 90 DAYS TILL I MOVE BACK TO REXBURG!

and now im off to write to multiple missionaries, including my best friend Koleman Blake, who gets home in 4 months! my cousin Steven Gillen, my child hood friend Danny Buckley, my other cousin Jared Tolman, and ANOTHER cousin, Ethan Williams! whew! lots of work to be done!

ok thats all :)

Optimism

op·ti·mism

1

: a doctrine that this world is the best possible world

That has to be the most beautiful definition i think ive ever read. a doctrine that this world is the best possible world. Thats enough to give hope to anyone. 

My whole life, no matter when im down, or looking at things in a positive light, i've always had the motto that everything can be seen as a blessing. every event can be learned from. there's sunshine on the cloudiest of days. And i get really upset with people that just whine about their lives and about how  their lives suck and they hate school, their friends are the worst, they wanna go home, they wanna move out, they want so much more than they have. 

Its all in your attitude! if you look at a situation with the attitude that its all going down the toilet, and throw in the towel before anything has the chance to happen, i mean, what else can happen? You find what you look for. if you look for the suck in a situation, then you'll find the suck. if you look for the smile, and accomplishment, enjoyment in it, then that's exactly what you'll find. 

Lately i've been pretty frustrated with life. and i know its kind of an emotional rollercoaster reading my blog, one minute everything is going great, the next i hate life, and back up again. im lucky nobody's diagnosed me with bipolar disorder yet. but i've decided to finally change my attitude. i mean, im so blessed right now, and i have to keep reminding myself of that. 

I have a wonderful aunt that is willing to house me while i'm on break from school and work and eat her delicious food.

I have amazing friends that will help me out when my car breaks down,

I have a job. and i just scored a second one! 

I am getting an excellent education

i have the most wonderful parents anyone could ask for.

and the most important of them all: I have the Gospel, 

These are pretty big things in my life. and even the smallest things, like getting a letter from a missionary in the mail, can make a whole day that much better! 

I need to stop moping around, feeling sorry for myself about blah blah blah blah blah. none of it matters, not really. As long as i stay focused on the positive, and stick to my own optimistic motto, then everything is gonna turn out ok. 

SUCCESS!!

Definition of SUCCESS

1

obsolete : outcome, result

2

a : degree or measure of succeedingb : favorable or desired outcome; also : the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence

3

: one that succeeds

Life is so great right now! I just got a job, and i am finally going to EUROPE!!! (this post is probably gonna be so incredibly stupid and random, because at this moment as im writing, im just SO FREAKIN EXCITED!!!)

Life is just back on track for me right now! we can now say that im doing at least four of the things on my goal list that was on my first post. I got a job, im exercising every day, i'm reading my scriptures every day, and....well there was one more but i forgot what it was. 

All my brain can comprehend at this moment of ecstasy is AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Im just so blessed. Doing the right things and putting my faith in my Heavenly Father really works! i just needed to trust that everything would work out the way its supposed to. 

(like i said, this is gonna be so inredibly random. just deal with it)

So for Europe, im going with my incredibly awesome, beautiful, bodacious friend and roomie Sabrina, which is in itself gonna make the trip so incredibly fantastic it'll be hard to comprehend. The plane ride will no longer be boring. we have this wonderful talent of staring at people, and with my newly acquired people watching skills, there's no stopping us. and we'll get to take classes and go to Italy, Austria, Germany, France, England, not to mention all the shopping that will be at our fingertips!!

Speaking of shopping, thats not gonna be happening for me for at least a year, if not more. 

see, i have this whole independent thing going on, where i dont like my parents to help me with anything, and since they paid for housing and tuition last year, im making it my responsibility to make them BACK OFF. i need to do all of this on my own. which means, tuition, gas, housing, food. all of it is up to me. which is pretty exciting to me. it gives me the great wonderful feeling of  the all time ultimate freedom. and i know ill be over that feeling once the bills start rolling in, but hey! im seeing the extraordinary in all of this thats mediocre ok? 

So this last week i was working at the Eastern Idaho State Fair, at the Indian Taco Booth, and it was long and hot and i made bank. it was only a week long job but it was so fun!! I made some awesome friends, got my tip jar stolen, and had an awesome week of people watching. believe me, spending 14 hours every day people watching and you learn some magnificent things...

so with this job, which is full time by the way, ill soon have the dough rolling in. well, in being into my savings account. and adding all the 80 plus hours i worked at the fair this last week, theres a pretty good pillow started. im headed in the right direction!

Sabrina and i started doing math the other day when the europe idea first was introduced, and im gonna be lucky to breathe, let alone eat. most likely ill have to pull out a loan for this trip, but ill have everything else paid off and ready to go! 

I really like being independent, making all these big girl decisions with my big girl panties, as Sabrina would put it. I have finally earned those panties, and im pretty proud of myself! 

Bring it on world! 

Ambition

Definition of AMBITION

1

a : an ardent desire for rank, fame, or powerb : desire to achieve a particular end

As a college student, preparing to take on the world, i am constantly bombarded with adults asking me what im gonna do for a living, where i want to go in life, what my plan is for the future. And all i ever have to say to them, every single time, multiple times to the same people, is I DONT KNOW. 

I dont know what i wanna be. i dont know where i wanna go. i dont know how im gonna get there. i dont know, i dont know IDONTKNOW! 

And its frustrating! its killing me. im not one to plan things out, i usually like to go with the flow. but with big plans, like the impending future, i like to have a plan, to know what to expect. its kind of a big deal, knowing what your purpose to life is. so i like to be prepared. and im not. so im kinda terrified. 

I went into college with the intent to go into Nursing. i have done an internship at Mercy Regional Medical Center's Family unit, and i loved it, and i mostly worked with the nursing staff, so thats really what made my mind up. and i was all gung ho about the whole thing. i made a plan to fulfill my goal. get straight a's. go to class every day. talk to the advisor about applying to the program. i was focused. and no one could get me off track.

 and then about the end of second semester, that went all down the tubes. i just decided i didnt really think i could do it. so i gave up. i tried making other plans for my purpose in life. 

and then about 3 weeks after school got out, i decided i was goin for Nursing again. and i made another plan. get all the prereq's done. get my gpa up. get back on the horse. and i was excited!

and now, you probably guessed it, im not sure again. AGAIN. its driving me insane. im lost, and going in circles. 

so the next time someone asks me what i wanna do with my life, im gonna tell them this. 

I want to be an artist, an architect, an art curator, a nurse, a MOM (always and foremost), a cosmetician, a designer, a chef, an interior designer, a professional food taster, a cake decorator, owner of a restaurant...or a bakery.....or maybe a coffee shop, turned into a hot chocolate shop.... 

Maybe i should look at this indecision and insecurity as a blessing. a gift of sorts. i know that i want to do something great, and i know that i wont settle for anything that i wont love. so i have the ambition, the drive to get it done. its just that i dont know where to aim it. 

so the blessing is that i could take it all, and do whatever i want with it. WHATEVER  i want.  

i could go to europe, blow all my money, and get stuck there figuring out my life. that would be a beautiful place to be a mess in....

Trepidation

trepidation

 noun

:the emotion experienced in the presence or threat of danger

So this week, i am employed by an Indian Taco Booth at the Eastern Idaho State Fair. Today, being Monday Sept. 5, i started work at 10 am, and left the booth to go home at 11 pm. a 13 hour shift of standing all day, yelling and talking full time. Its exhausting to say the least. but hey, i'm glad for the employment. at this point, i need all the work and money i can get. But this is all beside the point. 

As i was leaving the fairgrounds tonight, alone, armed with pepper spray in hand, i was caught walking behind a nice family of 5, and in front of some very rough looking girls, with language to match their baggy jeans, bandanas and very big and tall t shirts. if any one of them had looked at me cross eyed i probably would have peed my pants right there. i guess its a good thing they were behind me then.... 

Actually i like to think that i would give my own good effort if ever i were caught in a position where someone would want to fight me, but if im honest with myself, im never very good at confrontation. with my parents, i just cry if i get angry enough, and in a fight, that would be embarrassing. i am just bothered to no end if i know someone has a problem with me. I dont really care what people think, but i like people to be ok with me...if that makes any sense. 

Sorry, i keep digressing from my story. I just want to set up and explain myself and how i feel before the event comes to light. 

About halfway back to my car (which, of course, is parked 13 blocks away from the fair), the rough and tough girls behind me start running across the street, cussing a up a storm. They were running towards an almost empty parking lot across the street. 

From my point of view, for about 2 seconds of the time where i didnt really understand what was going on, i saw three people in the parking lot already, and it looked like a girl that had been running had accidentally tripped over herself and landed on her face. so in my head i started laughing and saying to myself, Oh that sucks! because i've done it to myself SO MANY TIMES that for once, it was refreshing to see it happen to somebody else, and to see how stupid i look when it happens. sorry, again, digression. 

So the girl was on the ground, and for another 2 seconds of not understanding what was happening, i saw a tall figure, a boy i figured, because he was big, bend down and try to help her up, but she just fell down again. And then the group of girls that had been behind me finally reached the parking lot and the other group of people where the girl was on the ground. and the group of girls started yelling at the guy. 

then it hit me. 

or rather, HE had been hitting HER! the girl on the ground. the boy, had been hitting and beating up on the girl on the ground! and when i say beating, i mean, dragging her around, throwing her, hitting her, pulling and...just...BEATING. 

i know what youre thinking. WHAT? 

amid all the yelling and cursing and boy beating girl scene, i could only stand and stare with my mouth open, staring across the street. for how loud the other group was yelling at the boy to stop, i noticed not one of them stepped in to help her. which kinda sucks for the girl. 

The dad of the family in front of me started across the street and starting yelling at everybody telling them the police were coming. and that about took care of the whole thing. 

But are you kidding me? what kind of coward does it take for a boy to start beating on a girl? which was half his size i might add. she had no chance. WHO DOES THAT?! It just bothered me so much. 

My safety bubble i usually have around me, kind of a naivity i guess you could call it, saying that that stuff doesnt really happen, only on tv and in books, that whole bubble was popped which a big gigantic needle called reality. I drove home in shock. and by shock, i mean questioning every set of lights, everybody on the side of the road wondering if they were gonna swerve in front of me, or step out and pull me out of my car and kill me. 

I have been scared before, but this was a different kind of scared. i was threatened, and nothing was really happening to me. and that might seem pathetic to you, but thats how i experienced the whole situation. My safety was threatened by reality and the sin of the world. 

Satan is everywhere, influencing everybody, encouraging hatred, encouraging boys to beat up on girls. and its terrifying. its absolutely horrible what this world is coming to. and sooner or later, we're all gonna have to answer to what has happened. 

Thats the end of my rant and random inputs, but im just grateful that i have so far been fortunate not to personally experience the kind of wickedness that that girl experienced. if a guy ever treated me like that, i would be scarred for life, and i probably wouldnt be the only one leaving hurt. 

Mediocrity

Definition of MEDIOCRE

: of moderate or low quality, value, ability, or performance: ordinary, so-so

-For those of you who dont know what Mediocre means, let alone mediocrity.

Im not really sure why i decided to start this blog. maybe i'm hoping my life will be something worth reading about. maybe i want to be the kind of person who can turn ordinary things into extraordinary things, things that inspire other kinds of people to be better. you know, not be the mediocre type that people don't really pay any attention to. I'm not guaranteeing anything here. maybe nobody will read this, or even care. but sometimes i just need to write, and throw it out there. and hope that just one stranger might care. thats all i need. and sometimes i just need to express what i feel. i like to keep things pushed down inside. i don't like to express those feelings and things. so sometimes i just need to feel. 

my life has been mediocre as of late. im not really sure why. i've lost all motivation to do anything. heck, my second semester of college was a huge flop. i got one a out of 6 of the easiest classes you could ever imagine. and thats pathetic. and i know that. 

There's this one girl on facebook who is so excited about every single day she lives. its not because she's had some kind of epiphany about life or almost died, she's just passionate about life. and that inspires ME. I want to be that kind of person that wakes up early in the mornings because she's excited about what the world has to offer of every single ordinary day. (even though everybody knows it takes a miracle to get me out of bed early) i want to be the kind of person that can see the extraordinary in a mediocre world. the sunshiny person that everyone looks to when you walk into the room.

except that im not a sunshiny person. so i guess that kinda fails. before i moved back to idaho from my home in colorado my grandmother had all the kind sensitivity that her cranky little body can hold and told me i was unfriendly and a B****. so you know, there's something to work on i guess. 

So here's a list of goals i intend to work on to become this seemingly impossible, exceptional dream person i have in my head:

-get a job (which might seem kind of duh to everybody, but chill out! i just moved here)

-wake up at  a decent time every morning

-run/exercise everyday

-read scriptures at least 5 mins/day

-do something for someone every day. just one little thing works

-start painting again. 

There's my list. and it might not work. but thats ok, it's something i can aspire to. something to look forward to, to give my life meaning again i guess. hopefully it works!